The Apple Store and the Rabbit

Today, another fictional story. This time, it’s about the Apple Store in the forest, and the rabbit. While the Apple Store in this story was usually selling anything but apples, like the forestPod hair dryer, the nightMac headlights for bears, or the toothPhoney fake teeth for old wolves, the stubborn rabbit kept coming back, asking for apples…

During the first week, everything went fine. The rabbit would come to the Apple Store, enter, look around for at least ten minutes, and then ask:

“Do you have some red, sweet and juicy apples?”

Obviously, the young wolf working in the store would answer politely every time, because he had to comply with the company’s policy and treat every client like he was his boss, Steve Logs, the rich beaver who founded the little store deep inside the forest. As you probably imagined already, his answer would be negative, over and over again, but…

…after a few weeks, the little rabbit started to annoy him. One fine morning, the wolf came to work a bit tired and angry, we have no idea about what happened to him, but when he heard the rabbit asking about juicy apples again, he suddenly grabbed him by the throat, growling:

“If you ever come here again and ask about apples, I’ll nail you to the front door!”

After being put down, the rabbit took a few moments to catch his breath, then asked the wolf:

“Excuse me for asking, but do you have nails?”

“No, we don’t have nails, but we’ll get a new shipment next week. Anything else?”

With a big smile of relief on his face, the rabbit asked again: “So, do you have some red, sweet and juicy apples?” 🙂

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Adam and Eve – Bible Story…With a Twist!

If you’re a Christian, you surely know the Adam and Eve Bible story. I am sure that even most people following other religions know it, since this is far from being original. I know it may sound like a blasphemy to some of you, but if they would have had Copyscape back in those days when the New Testament was written, completing the Bible, passing the plagiarism test would have been a bit hard, if not impossible. Well, they changed a word here and there, but the main story remains the same…

In The Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were tempted by the snake and Adam ended up eating the apple, God kicked them out of there, and so they started having children, multiplying the human race, and that should explain why so many freaks out there in the wild these days – we are all children of first degree relatives. Or NOT!

I know you can say I got that wrong, because the snake talked(yes, sure, and I talked to my neighbors’ dog this morning, too – the bastards won’t give the poor puppy a beer when he asks!) to Eve, who made Adam eat the apple, as we were able to see in The First and Greatest Commandment, but that’s not the point of this article. If you want to curse me, go ahead, I am not going to stop your comments, as long as they are not extremely obscene, but let’s consider this is already a part of our history, so…

…Darwin and all the other evolutionists are a bunch of idiots, and they burn in Hell as we speak. Adam and Eve were both guilty for the Original Sin (but let’s not forget about Angelina Jolie and Mr. Banderas!), but what if the first nation on earth would have been the Chinese nation, and both Adam and Eve were Chinese?

Just as a side note, I have nothing against China. I know their government can be found guilty for a bunch of things, but they really made Communism work, and there’s no reason to hate them for that. The fact that Communism sucks in most aspects, that’s a completely different story. Now, back to the story – and remember not to curse me if you’re a Chinese, Christians are doing it already…

If Adam and Eve were both Chinese, there would have been no original sin. Probably the world would have been completely different, without any major religion, and we would be colonizing the closest galaxies already. Why?

If Adam and Eve would have been Chinese, they would have simply eaten the snake, and leave the apple alone!

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The Apples Save the Day, But…

Today’s joke is a bit in the “adult” category, but I don’t think you have to be 18 to enjoy it. After all, it involves apples, and that’s all we need to know. Apples and cannibals, to be more accurate…

…and the story goes like this: once upon a time, there were three brave explorers trying to find some treasures in a jungle. Unfortunately, they found cannibals… or the cannibals found them, that’s not really important. They got caught, and all three were sure their final hour is drawing near, but…

…the cannibal in charge (CIC, for those crazy about “CEO-ish” acronyms) decided to give them a chance, so he looked at them and said:

– I think you deserve a chance to live, so here’s the deal – go back in the jungle, and bring me some fruits. Anything you find, it doesn’t really matter for now, just remember to be quick, choose only one fruit, and be sure to bring as many as you can carry!

Obviously, it’s strange to hear about cannibals eating fruits, but our explorers didn’t give a damn about it. They just wanted to get out of it alive, so they went into the jungle.

A few hours later, the first two came back. The first one had its pockets full of cherries, while the other had some apples. Pockets full, a few in his hands, as much as he was able to carry.

Smiling, the CIC said:

– Good, now take all the fruits and stick them up your own ass. If you manage to do it, we’ll set you all free!

After the cherries-guy finished, the one with the apples started to laugh. Even some monkeys fell off the nearest tree because of that. When he stopped, the CIC said:

– Why laugh? You may have some troubles with those apples, you know…

– Yes, I know, you can fire up that big cooking pot of yours already! I may get lucky with those apples or not, but I saw the last guy picking up some watermelons, that’s why he’s not here yet…

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Apple Varieties – Quick Facts

This morning I had an apple, as I usually do. A rather big one, if you would ask me. In fact, that just changed, because I found out about the largest apple, and I had to reconsider the size of the one I had this morning. OK, let’s start this once again – “this morning I had a tiny apple, as usual, and so I had a great day, good enough to come here and tell you a few quick facts about apple varieties.”

That should be better, I guess, and before we get to the apple varieties part, one more thing – I won’t tell you anything about the largest apple today, I have to research the subject a bit more, maybe I can find some pictures with some apples over 1 kg, that would be awesome!

Good, these being said, let’s check a few interesting facts on apple varieties I’ve been able to find earlier today:

– In the United States, over 2,500 apple varieties of apples are being grown.

– No less than 7,500 varieties of apples are grown throughout the world, although some sources claim this number to be as high as 10,000!

– I know it sounds strange, at least to me, but only 100 varieties of apples are grown commercially in the United States, so I wonder what’s the story with the remaining 2,400…

– Apple varieties range in size from a little larger than a cherry to as large as a grapefruit, but there are also exceptions when it comes to “large apples,” but this will be a completely different story, as I mentioned already.

– One of the oldest apple varieties is the Lady Apple, also known as the Api apple. Even more, since this apple was traditionally used in Christmas decorations and stockings, it is also known as the Christmas Apple. This apple variety deserves a story of its own, so I’ll stop here now.

That’s all, folks, but we’ll get back to apple varieties as soon as I digg out more interesting info. In the meantime, feel free to drop a comment below if you know more! 😉

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The Boss and the Apples

As we all know, the next person you won’t take with you on a deserted island, right after your mother-in-law is your boss. I hope this is not true for you, because sometimes you get to spend more time with your boss than your family, so… having a good relationship with him is the key to success. Anyway, let’s see a short story about a boss and 4 apples, shall we?

After a tiny mathematical error on some of those routine reports we all hate, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Well, that’s not something out of ordinary. The outcome of this story, on the other hand, is perfect – if you can outsmart your boss, do as our worker here!

With an angry voice, the boss asked:

“If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?”

The answer came quickly, and was 100% honest:

“If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 apples.” 😉

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